I can see it everywhere I go. It seems so close it looks like a land far off in the distance but i cant be sure. I cant be sure of anything but I know what my faith tells me. It tells me that it isnt a land at all. It tells me it is a kingdom and on it there is a thorn upon which sits a magnificant queen. Its her kingdom and im just another knight. Her kingdom is under seige by a betrayer. I dont know whether I can prevail aginst it but i know that she will survive that i will make sure of. My queen I am forever your servent.

 

ps yes its happy sue me

A weeping willow it is very strong and can withstand the fiercest storm. Yet it looks so gentle. You take cover from it and for a while it gives you protection but eventually the storm will tire it out. It will begin to tire of you languishing underneath it and bend to withdraw its protection. What else is there to do but to step out and bare the feirce storm all your own. You can sit and watch the tree and when it begins to fall you can try and fix it. How can a man fix something so incredible? He cannot he can simply move and allow the tree to fix itself.

 

ps Yes i know more personal ones dear lord they must bore you all but lets see if you figure out what I am talking about here. That is if you have the Time.

Look at the stars they are a natural beauty and a wonder. The magic that can take hold of you looking at one is intense. You reach for them but you know you can never reach them. Take a closer look.

Stars are balls of flame if you reach for one you reach for your destruction and the closer you get the closer you get to anhialation. Stay away from the stars stay in the shadows. Stars are pretty little executioners.

"I am too busy" I dont have the time

"..." I dont have the time for you

"Lets just be friends" I have better things to do with my time than you

"Lets talk about this later." I dont have the time to talk about this with you now

"Itll be alright" Maybe time will fix you

"My name is Paul" All i have is time.

 

No one has time anymore it seems to be spent in the mirror.

day 1,

         At last me and her are together. This is one of the happiest moments in my life I finally feel complete. All my friends are happy for me too. It feels good to be me. We sat today talking in her living room it was nice we just talked and listened to music. Unfortuanatly she had to take a shower and get changed to go to her friends house. Oh yeah and my "friend" keeps tellin me shes going out with some other guy. Some peoples jealousy get the better of them i swear.

 

day 3,

         Her compassion is never ending she knew what my "friend" was saying about her but yet she forgives my "friend" she says its understandable. The woman is more than a human can comprehend. However my "friend" is not. I was on the phone to her today but she was going out to dinner with her family or something. My "friend" said she was going out with some other guy. God some people are so desgustingly simple.

 

day 5,

         One such as Her is not a human She is something else something better. She kissed me today and it was beautiful. I have cut ties with that "friend" of mine. Damn my jealous "friends" they can burn in hell of all them I dont need them anymore. I dont need anything just Her.

 

day 96,

         How long has it been since i have seen this thing. The last entry was 91 days ago but that was not me writing . I have lost everything to my blindness to my own stupidity. I have turned all my friends away when they were just trying to help me. I didn't understand the things she was trying to tell me I latched on to what I wanted to hear and blocked out the rest. I will never again feel that way about someone and I will never again have any friends to hurt. Perhaps its for the best loneliness will protect everyone I realise I care about. Solitude is the price for my isolent stupidty and now it must be paid.

 

Factual or fictional you know me you decide.  

"No one loves you more than me, by the time you get to read this ill probably be dead. When you left in 87 a part of me went to heavan. I thank god at least I got to know what love really was but it hurt to see what true love really does. Even though we never made love you were all that there was it was because I loved you so much I had to make you leave then I slipped up and let you get close to me. This was not the way I thought this life was supposed to be. Baby dont you see I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV. I died in 1993 I died a virgin I wish I could have given myself to you I cired in the hospital because there was no one else but you.

Promise you'll meet me in paradise no matter what.

Ill keep you love forever with me"

 

This is from a song by Immortal Technique called You Never know. Prehaps it will make you think about rap or prehaps it will just make you think. Either way this is greater than anything I could have ever done and the scary thing is. Its true

 

 

She sat resting, fighting the disease vying for control of her body .Her red sheets were her armour against the disease. She was so tired and the real world was so creul so vile without the sickness that now was spreading throughout her veins. However she was all on her own here in her own little paradise. Her red sheets were her armour against the real world. Love, she loved people which should be good but she loved two and couldn't choose between them. This was the ultimate wound and the dilemma that would never be solved. However she didn't worry not here because they didn't exsist here. The red sheets were her armour against the dilemma.

 

However the sheets felt odd, slimey almost. They were her protection but they just didn't feel comfortable. Then again armour doesnt always feel good but this was really irratating and made it difficult for her to sleep. Thankfully a sudden rush of fatigue sent her to blissful oblivion.

 

                                               Her red sheets... Used to be white

His appearance was like a nightmare come alive. Flaming red eyes and a set of fangs twisted and deformed horribly like the rest of body and the teeth were clearly deadly. His skin was like pure darkness had consumed his body. His claws were so powerful and lethal that if he curled a fist they would cut into him. The inside of him no one cared about. 

 

Freedom of speech (within limits naturally), The right to life(For most) and natures right the right to be loved in one form or the other. This vile creature could not be loved by women and men felt their masculinity was being minsculed by this fearsome predator. So this horribly deformed thing had no rights. For rights and freedoms were only for mortal men he was no mortal.

 

They blamed everything but themselves. They said that his mutation had infected his mind and he had gone mad. No one blamed themselves. It wasn't their fault no gave a shit. It wasn't their fault. Apparently it was no ones fault. This deformed exile however thought differant and extracted horrible revenge on the masses. He found humanity to be heartless and so he took their hearts for himself. A heart is linked to love somehow so he should take them, take what no one would give. His observations of humanity led him to beleive there was no good in them. This materialistic society pissed him off and so he began to hoarde their corrupted hearts. He could change form should he chose so he can rip it out physically or more subtly.

 

Pity this isnt a true story or we could blame everything on him. Wipe our hands of all guilt and let him shoulder the burden of our mistakes.

 

ps. I was bored wrote this so no great work of art

  

He regained consousness at a heavy price with his mind pounding against his skull causing seemingly unbareable agony. Each of his senses became secondary and every nerve ending in his body focusd on this extreme crippling pain in his head. As he lingered the pain very slowly subsided and after an agonizing eternity the pain, though still extreme, was now allowing his other senses to operate. They became to process what they saw and the brain still aching horribly pushed the senses together and welded them into a single emotion. Fear.

 

This was not his home in fact he doubted this was anyones home for it was a derelict building. It looked like a  hospital that had suffered a major fire the charred remains of equipment littered the ground. The roof was almost entirely ripped off and he saw the nights sky hanging over him in total darkness. He felt rust against his body and looking at the bed he was lying on he realised this was no average bed. He was lying on the bare skeleton of the bed and over his chest bars seemingly ripped off some other source were bent around latching him in. Who could have done this? What could have? Where was he? What was going to happen?

 

Questions littered his mind and his dread increased tenfold. However the indescribable terror mounted when he realised there was something touching his side. Worse still came the realisation it was latched in with him. He froze. Icy fingers curled around his arm. There was no flesh on them. What godforsaken creature was latched in with him. His heart beats were linked in one continious symphony of forboding and unrelenting dread. He shut his eyes and whatever was beside him breathed into his ear. The stench was grotesque and the breath sounded inhumane and like nothing he had ever imagined. He shut his eyes and began hyperventilating. The fingers griped tighter. Its vice like grip seemed to be on the verge of crushing the bone. He screamed out and turned to what lay beside him.

 

The horror that lay there, now rotten and decomposing beside him, he knew. Even though he could see her skeleton he knew what this was. It smiled at him with insects and maggots falling from its jaw. His late girlfriend who commited suicide lay beside him.

 

 

He awoke in a cell. Padded walls everywhere and windows with sharp metallic shutters. Four windows starred at him and he stared back

 

The first window held a beautiful woman with dark hair and the most brilliant gray eyes. She looked in with compassion holding her hand to the window but as he tried to do so he cut his hand on the shutters. She looked on sadly and pushed a bandage through the slot underneath the window. He wrapped his hand almost smiling at her. She smiled back eyes filled with happiness that he couldnt help but also feel. The door behind her opened and a man came in. The man didnt look through the window.  The man got down on one knee and pulled out a ring and put it towards her. She was overjoyed. He growled in protest and anger. He was ignored so he  smashed about inside the cell growling and grabbed the shutters cutting himself horribly he pulled each one down cutting his arms to pieces.

 

He wrapped his arms up painfully and finally when he looked healed he looked into the second window.

 

There was another woman looking in at him. She was very attractive and had beuatiful dark skin and blue eyes and lips that he found to look very soft and tempting. He was so attracted to her again he tried to touch her but this time the shutters shut on him. He pulled away but they didnt open. He charged the shutters screaming at them but they would not open. He even tried to pull them open and this only cut him slighty as he pulled away before his wounds became too great. He screamed at the shutters again.

 

His throat was hoarse now and he waited until that healed before moving to the third window.

 

A man stood beside a woman watching him. They both stood there staring solely at him. They held hands. He looked at this and once his eyes had moved away from their faces they kissed now they couldnt see him buried in each others arms. They both moved out towards the walls in an embrace which was so full of emotion it hurt him. He looked around his damned cell and cried out but they did not come back to the window obviously far too busy with each other and he kept quiet.

 

He hung his head for a little while then turned to the final window.

 

This window had no shutters but instead it had huge bloodied spikes blocking his path keeping him so far away. A beautiful red haired woman stood behind it and was trying to get to him but failed as on the other side of the window there was also spikes keeping her at distance. The window didnt have any glass or shutters barring him but the spikes kept him away so far away he could see her and he could smell her but she was so close to him it seemed but yet physically she was so far away.

 

He fell to the ground looking up and shuddering alone. Where was the door? There was no door. He sat there starring at the ground beneath him taking notice of nothing else. Not even the windows that had opened to him.

 

ps Phew a long one there its a tad symbolic and stuff but it was just sumthin i jotted down plz tell me ur thots on it.

Ever since that day i can only feel pain and sorrow. The air around me seems to be poisonous fumes and every breath feels like I might die. Every word to me is either a scream or an accusation. The only smell i can distiguish anymore is the rotting smell of death coming from my hands trying to overwelm me and stopping just short of succeeding. The worst of it is her. her once soft skin is now like broken glass to me every touch feels as if it should cut me to pieces. her seductive manipulative words deny all involvment and point the blame squarly on me. her eyes look at me  congratulating herself for pulling the strings. My strings.

 

The forsaken memories of Her are the most horrible torment my brain can punish me with. She was not like the puppeteer, She was human and She was good. I could not see it then but now looking back at what I sqaundered with Her pains me but not as much as that day. I should have known She would have been there but the puppeteer told me to go and she held the control over me. She had admitted the day before how She felt and the puppeteer had heard and given her hell about it. I didnt admit how I felt about Her either. When she saw us together She was already dead you could see it in Her eyes. It took a few hours before it was official though. 

 

I wonder how long it will be until mine is official

There are only two forces in the world love and hate. Through the ages man has came to differant conclusions and named them differant things God, the Devil whatever you call them you must admit this one truth.

Each man or woman is driven by either of those forces to do the things they do. Two people steal one may do it because he loves his family and wants to feed them another may do it because he hates the person he steals from. This modern world would probably do it for nothing more than self indulgance or love for themselves.

 

These two forces battle within a person and we have no choice but to give into them. In the end there is no choice we do the things we do because we are compelled to do them by one of these forces. The world may be hateful to you for the greater good. Or it may seem loving to you for a more sinister evil. In the end it is either hate or love that drives us

 

Free will is an illusion.

We play out the parts given to us by these two powers.

"Welcome to hell"

"Doesn't look too threatening"

"Give it a minute"

"There isnt even sea of flames or anything."

"Be patient."

"I mean its not all that bad looking."

"WILL YOU WAIT."

"...nothings happening."

"Give it a minute. Fuck sake you have just been born."

He was waiting. He was always waiting. Waiting on her. Like a good little pawn he followed orders and waited. "Never falter." he was told " Never let her out of your sights." His life became consumed with waiting. He still waited though. An eternity of waiting. "Never falter, Never let her out of your sights." She didn't try to move about much though but he always stayed close. And he waited. With her friends. With her family. With her boyfriend. He just waited. No matter what the weather he waited the snow or hail or rain wouldn't stop him. His hunger and thirst wouldn't stop him. His weakness would never stop him.He was unstoppable and  it made him insane to think about.

 

His end  would never come it seemed. No matter how long he stood without food in the harsh elements he survived. The vioces in his head told him to wait and her relations never paid him any heed. Forever waiting. Why couldn't he die? Why couldn't he die and join her? He thought staring at her grave. Why was he spared? He would have gladly given his life for hers.

 

Why couldn't he turn around and comprehend the situation fully? He was too busy waiting.

 

He was too busy waiting to turn around and find his own grave.

The blood poured down his face fast as the brick smashed of his skull it was a small miracle he was still alive never mind conscious. Just behind the school building it was happening and he thought it was a good place to hide it just gave them more cover. It wasn't even that he was differant it was just they were assholes and felt so amazing when his blood was on their fists. When he finally lost the will to try and fight back or defend himself they got bored and walked off. His cracked face was not like a human face anymore it just looked like a bloody wound.

*                                                *                                                *

They say he never exsisted you know. They hide and twist the truth "The bullies" They say "They died in their sleep terrible sickness." Well you have to give them something for the bullies definatly did have a terrible sickness and you might even say that it killed them. The mutatilated thing they had laughed loathingly over, enticing their somewhat 'specialist' tastes, was nothing more than a little fun to them.

*                                                  *                                                   *

He looked at his face. It was so badly swollen that it looked inhuman and deformed one eye was swollen shut and the other was able to see a tiny amount. The blood had been washed off and yet the cuts looked more hideous than his sheet of blood. He grabbed for a knife and shed his last tear.

*                                                *                                                   *

The world is a sick and violent place when a person only knows hate a person can only respond with hate if a person only knows love well that is unimportant in this story. His father left for another woman and his mother was a whore well not an offical one but she fucked for the benefits of that man and when she found another she moved on. To her he was deadweight and a reminder to be more fucking careful. Friends he didnt have any he had a few aquintances but nothing more. His nicest emotion he knew was apathy.

*                                                   *                                                   *

The bullies had all snuck out, as they did everynight, to a darkened building site and lit a fire that was a giant beacon to the thing lurking in the darkness. It had all the time in the world. One went out into a bush to have a piss. The moron was singing to himself and didnt hear it. An undescribable agony as what he was holding in his hand was severed. He went to scream but found an object in his throat blocking it and creating a large wound. The other two didn't even notice. They didn't move so it decided it would have some fun. One sat with his back to where a window was going to be placed. The other one watched as a blade stuck in his fellow assholes head and the fucker slumped over. The last one got up. He heard a muffled laughter as if this things mouth was full of something. He didn't look behind him. This blade cut through his guts and his intestines just feel out and he was the only one to look at it. He no longer looked human nor did he act it.

*                                                 *                                                    *

They say he never existed they dont want to tell the truth and the terrible truth is that the bully sometimes can be in worse danger than the victim. People sometimes dont kill themselves.

*                                                    *                                                       *

He was never seen again but that doesnt mean he isnt still here. So dont piss someone off unless you are smart enough to look behind you            

She took her hand compassionatly as she wept in the passengers seat. The driver took the key and started the car. The girl in the passengers seat composed herself a little eyes still tearful and bloodshot. The car moved foward and they rocketed off at high speed. As they were reaching their destination they both tensed. The church was surrounded by people with signs saying 'gays out' both of them had tears in their eyes now. She put her foot on the accellerator and they zoomed past the church and off the road they kept going a little bit and when the ground ended they flew off the cliff and exploded hitting the rocks below.

 

ps theres more than one way to interpret this one id like to hear what you think

"I will always love you that you must know, Understand that i will never have to go"

"Love is shallow and fake. Everyone knows that or at least they should"

"My love is pure my love is right, It will comfort you in the darkest night."

"Love aint gonna protect you when you are staring down a rusty blade."

"The world really isnt all that bad, Cherish the purity that you have."

"Ya see if it makes ya smile. Its an illusion."

"Words are soothing to soul, They comfort you and make you whole."

 

Lies always sound nicer.

You are torn in two. You are proud. Yet you want to be humble. You want to be forgiven but you dont want to seek forgiveness. You wanted to drop to your knees and beg but you couldnt you were too weak. Thats right fool weak. Humility is strength. Strength is purity. Purity is the highest honour. The world isnt that dark if you can maintain a piece of purity.

You cant. You are proud. You are a liar. You are full of rage. You cant contol yourself. Its all over a women? No its not. Its just the way you are the passion behind her is what makes you able to see it. That and you want someone else to blame. So you take it out on her and every other her because you dont understand them. People fear what the dont understand. People despise what they fear. You dont understand women.

You can try and drown me out but every time you look at one of them you will hear me again. One day you might listen. I hope that day comes before you try and take a woman with you. Now back to blaming everyone else fiend

They are dragging you two apart little boy. You are helpless to stop it arent u little boy. Your pathetic manipulations mean nothing. You are weak little boy. You cant save her. You think you understand her but you have no idea. You are too afraid to touch her to get any of her pain. You throw words at her but never grab her and pull her out of her pain. You do nothing.

Little boy

Pathetic child

Weakling

Runt

Moron

Waste of life

"I have been waiting all this time."

"Have you indeed maybe you should realise that this body is mine and it is about time you get out."

"Is it indeed you gave it to me."

"Times change."

"Not for someone like you."

"For someone like me?"

"Yes you know you belong to me now."

"It used to be the other way around."

"Times change."

"When you slip up i'll be waiting."

 

ps another one of these not sure if its as good as the first id appraiciate feedback on it